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Tom Cruise Worries Scientology Gods

Posted in Gossip on 08/01/05 @ 10:15am, by Reejii.
Remember when Tom was cool and not crazy?

Scientology leaders are worried that Tom Cruise may be getting a little too preachy about the religion. They fear that his latest escapades (bashing medicine, psychology, Brooke Shields, etc.) might cause a backlash. A source for MSNBC Gossip said, “There’s also concern that his sister [Lee Anne Devette, who replaced his longtime publicist Pat Kingsley] can’t handle the situation” but says that the church officials are “nervous about saying anything because they don’t want to upset” their megastar member. Wow. What a religion! Greg LaClaire, vice-president of the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre...(celebrity centre?...*rolls eyes*), claims that we “shouldn’t listen to false rumors.” False rumors? Ok, so what's a true rumor? All rumors are false until proven true. Speculation. I know I'm being picky about his choice of words, but I thought it was funny. :) Anyways, LaClaire says that “the federal government has since issued a double suicide and dangerous side effects warning, confirming all Mr. Cruise has said, which is also confirmed by the thousands of letters he continues to receive from mothers, fathers and teenagers who thanked him for lending them a voice and sparking a public debate that will save lives.” He then went on to talk about how much money "War of the Worlds" made and that the reporter's sources are "feeding [them] horse manure." Yummy.

Meanwhile Tom is still busy converting Katie Holmes over to the dark side.

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COMMENTS

#1. Posted by Tom Cruise 08/03/05 @ 12:11am:

Evidently the Scientologist head honchos are toooo worried about Tom Cruise's antics since they're plastering his face all over their literature being distributed in India. They are making a point of using his popularity to gain new converts...

#2. Posted by John 08/03/05 @ 10:09am:

Maybe celebrity wackos are good for the religion business? After taking all the psychotics off their medications, the good Dr Cruise will certainly cure them of their ills with his magic wand. Life is a movie, isn't it?

-JPD

#3. Posted by Bisquick MacDougall 08/03/05 @ 4:08pm:

I much fear for Katie Holmes! The frigid clutches of aging celeb/Dracula Tom Cruise may be too strong to escape! I pray aging hunks such as Bronson Pinchot or Ron Palillo woo her away from the steely grip of Crazy Eyed Cruise in the nick of time. He plans to drain her life force for his own selfish gain.

#4. Posted by ( @ ) ( @ ) 08/08/05 @ 5:22pm:

"Maybe celebrity wackos are good for the religion business?

Religion [of any kind] couldn't exist without the wackos whether it be Tom Cruise or Jerry Falwell.

#5. Posted by Laney 08/21/05 @ 7:08pm:

Don't worry about Katie, she is being paid well and will be getting a dynamite career to boot, just like Nicole. You see, Katie was one of five young women on the list of possible girlfriends for homo-Tom (who IS,IS, IS having sexual relations with Rob Thomas). The Church of Scientology, Cruise himself, and Katie have orchestrated this whole charade. IT IS TRUE!!!!!

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